“You said it was a focus group,” the disheveled group insisted. The good folks at 360 Vodka looked over the landscape of their competition and thought to themselves, “You know, there are a lot of sweet vodkas out there, but there really isn’t one that tastes like pure sugar and the constant threat of lapsing into a diabetic coma.” So, they gathered the finest scientists in the land and said, “We’d like to make a vodka taste like a glazed donut, please,” and the scientists replied by pointing out that they weren’t scientists, but rather were just homeless alcoholics that representatives from the company brought in from the streets. Drink the Sriracha vodka before trying any of the following vodkas because honestly it’s all going to be downhill from here.
This is some next level shit here, people. Sure, a screwdriver with Sriracha vodka would probably be one of the most disgusting things you’d ever drink, but imagine how much this would up your Bloody Mary game. This vodka, unlike just about every other entry on this list, actually has practical mixing applications. Everything tastes better with Sriracha, and if you can’t embrace finding a way to take the flavor of Sriracha and using it to get yourself drunk, we don’t like you as a person. Some people might disagree, bemoaning the growing trend of taking every food product imaginable and mixing it with the popular chili paste, but these people are wrongheaded and foolish, since it has been scientifically proven that Sriarcha is the natural endpoint in humanity’s quest for spicy foods. When we said there were vodkas that we totally would drink earlier, we were pretty much just talking about this entry. In that tradition, America has decided to dream up the following vodkas which range from “a crime against to humanity” to “sure it’s weird but we would totally drink that right now if you set a glass of it in front of us.” Which is why, right now, there are Americans nursing a fifth of… We invented bacon flavored vodka, for Christ’s sake. This is America, our primary exports are culture and taking unhealthy foods and beverages and mixing them with even more unhealthy foods and beverages. This trend of novelty vodkas shows no sign of slowing down, and it likely never will. Others are savory and vaguely unsettling, such as smoked salmon flavored vodka.
Some are strange and sweet, like cotton candy or the Mountain Dew-flavored “ Dude” flavor. We’ve written twice before about absurd, often disgusting-sounding vodkas. That’s not a joke flavor, by the way.Īmerica’s Strangest Vodka Flavors (Part 3) Because why drink alcohol that makes you seem like you’ve retained some semblance of your sanity when you can get drunk on something that tastes like a freshly mown lawn. That’s why we’re returning after a long vodka-article hiatus to present our third article about the strangest, most unnecessary vodka flavors in America. We remember being nine years old too.Īs much as you might assume that fruity-tasting alcohol is somehow less American than whiskey, well, you’d be right, but flavored vodkas are still perfectly acceptable in polite society, and in the case of downing shots might even be preferable to the unflavored variety (every drinker over the age of 18 has long ago lost their ability to down a shot of straight, unflavored vodka without their stomach reminding them of the time they did vodka shots until they puked).īut just because we drink black cherry vodka like it’s water, or can add cucumber vodka to a Bloody Mary with delicious results, doesn’t mean that all vodka flavors are created equal. Some people don’t like the taste of alcohol and want to get drunk fast by putting four shots of raspberry vodka into a cup of fruit punch. Vodka earns its keep for American drunks by finding a way to let orange juice get you drunk, but its ability to meld with various flavors means that, more than any other type of alcohol, liquor companies will churn it out in dozens, if not hundreds, of different and often unnecessary varieties.
Vodka exists as a neutral spirit, which is both a blessing and a curse. We’ve discussed the nuanced philosophy behind flavored vodkas in the past, but here it is again. “Well, that was one of the more unnecessarily sweet vomits I’ve ever had.”
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